My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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