All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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