I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
