literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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