hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
