I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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