We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
