i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
