All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Betty ford says i'm here all night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize