maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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