he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
did you just send me my own nude
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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