you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
