no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
