I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
