He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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