Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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