you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
