My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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