You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
