and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
