nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
try to milk me bitch
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