my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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