toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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