I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
