so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize