im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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