I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
