come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
