Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
