How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
