some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize