Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
