dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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