also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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