Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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