Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
