we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
