ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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