i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
