Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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