Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Randomize
