Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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