break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
