Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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