Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
