Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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