I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize