Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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