I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
