How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
