I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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