if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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