your parents love me but you hate me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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