Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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