I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
