The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My dick has a subreddit
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
