Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
