Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
