He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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