it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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