I'm laying in your front yard are you home
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
