Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have aggressive nipples.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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