I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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