Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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