1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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