Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
