And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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