Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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