I'm so fucking centered right now
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize