He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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