She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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