there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
