if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
