You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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