call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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