Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
