i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
