I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was confusing and full of hummus
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
