I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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