he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
