I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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