So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Randomize
