you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
