why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
NoShamevember. You game?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
