her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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