I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
