just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
