you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
