i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
