EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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