so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
