He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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