She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
