zippers are such a cool invention
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
