I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
