dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize