as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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