I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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