I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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