Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
