The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
